


Let's Try Again

by wth_am_i_writing



Series: Descent [12]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent, F/M, Mild Smut, POV Second Person, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Touching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-19 17:04:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17005641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wth_am_i_writing/pseuds/wth_am_i_writing
Summary: It’d been so long, you felt like you no longer belonged at Leo’s apartment.





	Let's Try Again

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to Tumblr on February 16, 2014.
> 
> Original Author’s Note: Part of the Descent series of oneshots. It’s been a while since I updated this series! I’m gonna try to get a few more installments out over the next several days. This one relies pretty heavily on the other parts of the series. Probably the best to read to put this in context is “Pierce and Breathe”, “Fear”, “Cheater Cheater”, “Caught” and “Meeting Him”. Anywaaaay~ Hope you guys enjoy. It’s a pretty heavy piece.

It was almost surreal, standing in front of Leo’s door again. You used to just enter without a second thought. It had felt more like home than your apartment ever hard. Even though you still had the key, you just couldn’t enter. But it felt too awkward to knock. It’d only been about a month since you’d left, but that month had made you feel so alien even in such familiar surroundings.

Taking a deep breath, you knocked. In all technicality, you should have knocked ten minutes ago, but you’d been too nervous, felt too out of place. This was the date and time you’d agreed on to finally meet Leo, but nothing you did seemed to mentally prepare you enough. You’d snuck out and refused to let N know anything about your visit.

The door swung open violently, catching you off guard. Your breath caught in your throat at the movement and your heart followed when you laid eyes on Leo’s scraggly figure. You suddenly wanted to vomit.

“Come in,” Leo murmured, voice high and hoarse. He looked exhausted. He’d pulled his long hair back into a messy ponytail. His clothes were wrinkled and messy and his eyes were blood shot. You swallowed as he pushed the door open wider and stepped aside. Cautiously, you stepped inside. Toeing off your shoes, you stepped fully into the apartment. Leo directed you into the small living room area. You sat down on the small loveseat couch.

“So…” you began awkwardly as Leo sunk down beside you. You scooted as far from him as you could get. Just where to start?

“Tell me about Ken,” Leo said rather abruptly, voice heavy and face troubled. You bristled, angry that he would start the conversation by asking about that. You squeezed your hands together in your lap.

“Don’t ask me about that. Don’t make me relive that,” you begged, voice sharp and trembling as you tried to suppress the memories welling up. “It still haunts my dreams. I still can’t sleep.” The words weren’t a lie—most nights you feigned sleep until N had drifted off. You’d lie awake for a few more hours with his arm loosely draped over your waist until you fell asleep from exhaustion.

“Sorry…” Leo murmured, stiffening at your words. You fell into awkward silence for several moments, not looking at each other. “Ken confronted me a few days ago,” Leo said with a deep breath.

“H-he did?” The thought of Ken getting involved in your life again terrified you.

“I smashed his face in,” Leo mumbled. “I can’t forgive him. I can’t even stand to see his face.”

“I wish he was dead,” you said, hands trembling as you failed to stop the memories from welling up. The awkward silence returned. You stared at the floor unseeing, fighting your inner demons off. This meeting was about your relationship with Leo. Taking in a deep, shaky breath, you spoke again, “You wanted to talk about us, right?”

Leo sighed, his breathing just as shaky as yours. He sat up straight, eyes training on the ceiling before covering his face with his hands and sinking back down until his head was almost even with his knees. You tensed, waiting anxiously for him to pull himself together. He sat up slowly, still covering his face.

“I still love you,” he breathed, so quiet you almost hadn’t caught it. “I still love you so much.” This time the words were stronger. “I’m a mess. I can’t sing without you. I can’t _play_ without you.”

“So what is it you want?” you asked, already knowing his answer.

“I want you back,” Leo confessed, pulling his hands away and looking at you with strained eyes. “But I don’t know if it’s possible.”

“What do you mean?” you asked, leaning slightly towards him. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“I’ve always thought if she can’t look only at me, then I won’t keep her or try to catch her.  When I found out about the others, my blood boiled. I thought I wasn’t enough. I thought I’d let you go, but… but it was so painful. You weren’t here and I’d—you’d—“ His voice was solid but shaking, high in tone and almost in a panic as he spilled the words out.

“I was afraid of you. Fear was my only justification for my actions, and it wasn’t a very good one. I should have talked it out with you,” you explained, gripping your hands tightly together. “I didn’t want to turn our relationship sour. You were perfect in everything else. So perfect I was scared to lose you. I wanted to fix things but I never did, and I hurt you…”

“Should we try again?” Leo asked, reaching out and brushing his fingers against your cheek. You flinched at the touch but didn’t pull away. Taking your lack of movement as consent, Leo scooted closer to you and slowly leaned in. You had more than enough time to push him away, but the desire to try what you’d planned to do the night of your fight welled up again.

His lips tentatively brushed against yours, trembling with the uncertainty you’d seen in his eyes. When you forced yourself to not flinch away, he pressed harder, deepening the kiss. As much as you wanted to relax, you couldn’t. But the kiss deepened further, his hand finding your back and stroking it as he tried to relearn your curves. His hands wandered up the hem of your shirt, the connection of his digits on the small of your back hot and uncomfortable. But you forced yourself to continue.

You reached forward, palming his chest—his pecs, his obliques, his abs. His fingers crawled higher on your back and you tensed, involuntarily flinching away from his touch. His hands came out of your shirt.

“Sorry,” he breathed into your kiss, bringing his hands up to your shoulders instead. He massaged the tensed muscles, trying to get you to relax. Your hands met the fabric of his pants, flattening out on his thighs. You pressed up to his hips then to his crotch, finding his flaccid dick. He moaned into the kiss as your fingers brushed across it, shifting closer. You kept your hand there, stroking him through the fabric. He deepened the kiss further, pulling you in even closer as you teased him to attention.

He slid his hands down, cupping and rolling your breasts. You dipped your fingers below the hem of his pants, stomach knotting as you forced yourself to continue. Leo mewled into your mouth as the tips of your fingers brushed him. His hands slid back up, ghosting at the base of your neck. You squeaked, suddenly terrified that his hands would snake around your neck and choke you. You tried to pull back completely, beating his chest when he pulled you into a strong hug.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I won’t do it. I won’t touch your neck,” Leo apologized frantically. “I’ll fix this.” You forced yourself to calm down, deciding to try to believe him. You nodded into his shoulder, taking a deep breath as you pushed back slowly. You bit your lips nervously, returning your hands to his crotch, unfastening his pants and pulling him out. You avoided his eyes at any cost, focusing on fighting your urge to run.

Poking at his months old Prince Albert, you tried to formulate how to go about this. Leo sucked in a hissing breath as you continued to poke at the piecing. He still wasn’t completely hard yet, but playing with his piercing seemed to being helping him along tremendously. You rubbed the entire head, fluidly starting to stroke him as you tried to fight off the ever worsening knotting in your stomach.

When his hand slid between your legs, fingers brushing against you, Ken flashed through your mind. You gagged, bile filling your throat. Violently shoving Leo away, you covered your mouth and scrambled onto the floor away from him. You forced the bile back down your throat and tried to catch your breath. It took every shred of your mental strength to push Ken out of your mind.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, voice trembling. “I don’t think I’m ready yet. I don’t think I can do that yet… I need more time to think about this…”


End file.
